In Pursuit of the Heart

This blog post has been awhile in the making.  I have written it, deleted it, re-written and deleted, not just once by many times over the last several weeks.  Why?  This is the area in my relationship with both my Savior and my husband that I struggle with.  I know what I need to be doing, but I can find a million and one excuses for not doing.  So this is as much for me as it is for you.  If you find yourself struggling with these two very significant relationships I hope my thoughts will be of help.

In every relationship there are rules that we all follow.  Whether we are aware of those rules or not we follow them.  Those rules are the "secret code" that builds a relationship.  My relationship with my friends differ greatly.  My relationship with my children is different between each child.  My relationship with my spouse is above all different from any other relationship.  Most importantly my relationship with Christ is far more different then any relationship I have with anyone here on earth.  What makes each of these relationships different?  It is the "secret code" that we follow which is established from the very beginning of any relationship.  That "secret code" is different from one relationship to the next and it changes over time.  This "secret code" is what allows us to open up our hearts to those we have strong relationships with that last over a lifetime.  When one is blessed with such a relationship we do everything we can to protect that relationship and grow that relationship, so that whatever is going on in our lives we can share openly with each other the good or bad.  To be honest, that type of relationship is hard to find, but when we are married, and have a relationship with Christ we have that type of relationship.  We have a relationship in a marriage where we are in pursuit of our spouses heart, the same way we are in pursuit of the heart of God.  That is why marriage is something that you just can't "try on" when just living with someone.  The dynamic of a marriage is such that it resembles the relationship we have with our Father.  We are in pursuit of the heart in each of these two relationships.  So that raises the question how do we pursue the heart of our Saviour and the heart of our spouse?

When we are in pursuit of our Saviors heart we should be spending countless hours seeking Him.  We seek Him when we communicate with Him, by praying, listening, and waiting.  We even spend time in His word, seeking His will for us, and seeking His heart.  As our relationship with Christ grows, we begin to see changes in our lives, in our families, and in our marriages.  Our relationship with Christ grows as we begin to build that relationship.  As with any relationship if we don't work on it, it can and does grow cold.  The difference with this relationship, is that Christ welcomes us and gives us a chance to pick ourselves up when we fail at doing this relationship building, and allows us to start again.  He never gives up on us.  He never makes us start over.  He allows us to begin right where we left off.  His love has no conditions placed on it.  He forgives and forgets.

When we are in pursuit of the heart of our spouse, it should be no different then pursuing the heart of God.  We need to communicate, listen and wait.  I am talking about communication beyond "How was your day?".  I am talking about communication that gets to the heart.  When we love someone, we want to get into their heart.  We want to know beyond the words "I am ok", exactly how they feel deep down in the heart.  We want and need to get to the heart of the matter.  If you rarely communicate with your spouse outside the "How was your day?", this is going to take work and simply the longer you have been married the harder it is to get past that.  So how do you begin to pursue the heart of you spouse?  You start by setting time aside everyday to begin building a relationship that reflects trust.  You have to trust your spouse if you are going to open your heart.  If trust is an issue, start with simple things, before your open your heart and spill everything out.  Not only will this begin a process of building trust, and your spouse will not be overwhelmed when you get to the heart issues.  Simple things that include most current events, not the things that you are holding on to from long ago.  Start by asking questions that seem "silly".  Questions like "What is your favorite ice cream?" or " If you could drive any car you wanted what would it be?" You will begin to find out that as you ask these "silly" questions the more difficult question will be easier to answer and your heart will begin to open up. Remember communication is a two way street.  One speaks, the other listens, and then the other repeats what they heard.  Then you repeat this with the other person.  One of the things I learned during a seminar that my husband I went to is to use a ball.  You speak when you have the ball, you listen when you don't.  A good practice that I am thinking of trying again in my own relationship with my husband.  I have a tendency to speak when it is not my turn.  Once communication is learned, and trust is built then the heart will begin to open up.

So begin the pursuit of the heart of our spouse as you begin the pursuit of the heart of God and see what transforms in both relationships.  Really, what could it hurt?

I will be working on both of these relationships, and am excited to see the transformation in both.

I welcome comments to this post and any of my previous post.

What Would Jesus Show?

  

So many people are throwing around the word "tolerant" so I wanted to figure out exactly what it means to tolerate, or have tolerance, or to be tolerant.  I use that word myself, and honestly I have actually been using it incorrectly and so have many other people.  When doing my research and trying to find scripture to support tolerance I could not find any that had a positive outcome (Esther 3:8 and Rev 2:20)  So I had to start by trying to find supporting synonym's and came across words such as:  Kindheartedness, Compassion and Mercy. There are several more but I stopped at those because I felt that those words seemed to be pretty different from the word tolerance. Then I began looking up the definitions for those words, using the New Oxford American Dictionary.

Tolerance - 1.) The ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behavior that one dislikes or disagrees with.  2.)  The capacity to endure continued subjection to something without adverse reaction.

Kindhearted - Having a kind and sympathetic nature.

Compassion - Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

My purpose for today's blog was to try to compare Tolerance vs. Compassion Biblicaly but, like I said, I ran into a problem when I was trying to find a biblical response to tolerance.  Tolerance is having the ability or willingness to ignore the sinning of someone else, sweep it under the carpet, make it not a big deal.  I don't believe that Christ showed tolerance to anyone.  He could not ignore the wrong doing of others.  He could not ignore those who were suffering in their own sin.  He called out the demons, he healed the sick.  He tolerated no one and had zero tolerance for anyone living in sin.  He showed compassion and mercy.

In Esther chapter 3 Haman is telling King Ahasuerus that there is no profit in tolerating the people who did not keep the king's law, and advised the King to destroy this people.  The actual passage is Esther 3:8.

In Revelation Jesus is speaking to the church in Thyatira and saying that He has this against them:  they tolerate the woman Jezebel by her teaching and seducing His servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.  What does this bring about: Christ gives her and those that commit adultery time to repent but they refuse and God throws them into great tribulation.  The actual passage is Revelation 2:20-23.

So my dilemma quickly became obvious that showing tolerance or tolerating is Biblicaly wrong.  If this is incorrect I would sure like someone to point that out to me.  If we were to have a Biblical definition of tolerance a friend of mine stated this, and I think it is the best definition of tolerance that a Christian can have:

"Tolerance = We disagree, but I respect that your convictions are different than mine.  I will not reject you or disregard you because of that and will respect that you have the right to believe as you want.  But it assumes the existence of disagreement.  Tolerance does not mean absence of disagreement; nor does it mean absence of dialogue regarding our differences. For me to be tolerant towards your beliefs, it means I first have to say I think that you belief is wrong.  Agreement does not require tolerance; disagreement does".

- Johan Bester

This form of tolerance certainly does not sweep the sin under the carpet and it does not ignore the sin.  It calls it out like Christ called out sin.  Sad to say that this is not the type of tolerance that people are calling for.  They are calling for the worlds view of tolerance.  The type of tolerance that ignores the sin, and sweeps it under the carpet.  So just maybe what we need to be showing instead of tolerance is mercy.

As defined earlier mercy means compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.  An example of this is a parent showing mercy to their child by not punishing them after the child has done something wrong.

As I read this definition I quickly saw that mercy can only be shown by one in power; a parent, a judge, a boss etc.  So I was quick to rule out the ability of a Christian to show mercy because we are sinners, we don't have the power to show mercy.  However, my husband showed me that we can show mercy to those living in sin because of the authority we have in the Bible.

So as Christians how then do we have the authority to show mercy to those living in sin, committing a sin or whatever,  I don't care what type of sin?   Jesus hung out with sinners.  Maybe we should start hanging out with sinners.  Jesus was criticized for hanging out with the sinners and the tax collectors.  Jesus even said it is better to deal with the unsaved versus the saved.  Was this tolerance?  No I think it was mercy.  The passage in Matthew 9 gives us the authority to show mercy.

Matthew 9:10-13 tells us:  "And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples.  And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"  But when he heard it he said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician but those who are sick.  Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy and not sacrifice.  For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

No we can not show the kind of mercy Christ showed us on the cross, but we can show the kind of mercy that brings about a conversation that leads to sharing the Gospel.  We can not separate ourselves from those sinners, we are to be among the sinners, showing mercy, because if we are not among them then we cannot reach them with the truth.  No we can't forgive sin, but we know the One who can and as long as we are showing mercy and not being tolerant we can lead those to the One who can forgive sins.  Remember those needing to be forgiven, or healed came to Christ, Christ did not come to them.  So if we are to reach the lost, we need to go to them.  The only way they will be willing to hear us, is if we stop sweeping sin under the carpet, ignoring what is wrong, and begin showing love, mercy, and speaking to the heart with words that penetrate the heart, not with words that cause the heart to close and ears to return void. They must know that we are Christians by our love.

I am not all sure that this is all correct, and if I am incorrect in any of this I am open to hearing from you.  I want to be merciful not tolerant toward sin. I want those who are lost to come to Christ so that He can clean them, purify them and make them whole and give them a new heart.

So lets stop being tolerant to the sin of this world, and begin to show mercy and see the world be changed for the glory of God!!!